thought bubbles and exclamation points

i'm back!

2008-06-01T18:47:42Z

why build new bridges when there's no need to burn old ones? :D

YIKES.

2007-01-04T01:33:51Z

When two people become romantically/physically/emotionally involved, a commitment is made that reaches deeper beyond the heartfelt proposal and the breathless “yes”.

It is felt when the difference between loving a person and hating that same person becomes ambiguous. When short-term memory loss becomes a frequent occurrence, and when the easiest way out begins to look lot like the “exit”. However, for the optimists who choose to stick it out or “stay together for the kids (whatever your kids may be)”, a mysterious sensation arises (think, nausea) and suddenly the willingness to sacrifice one’s pride overpowers the adrenaline of being in the war zone. Suddenly, it becomes more important to piece together the broken parts of the “vase” rather than fight over who dropped it.

Commitment is more than fidelity. It is more than monogamy, and routine phone calls, and anniversary dates.

It is found in the mutual perseverance to keep the relationship alive. In the discipline to control irrational impulses and moments of selfishness even when it seems easier to embrace them. In the beauty of wholeheartedly meaning what is said, and sincerely forgiving (and forgetting) all the wrongs of the past.

Most importantly however, I believe that it is found in the ability to exist as separate successful individuals without needing to compromise what has already been built. Very much a task that is easier said, than done.

oh.

2006-12-16T13:27:00Z

What defines maturity?

Is it the flexibility to change my ideals when something a little bit strange and perhaps even a little bit more beautiful tells me otherwise?

The ability to place another's happiness before my own?

The patience forgive and understand those by whom i have been hurt?

The wisdom to predict that there are bigger, louder, scarier, things to come?

La.la.laaaaahmmmmm.

Human beings are in a consistent mode of transition. I have recently learned the lack of permanence in what we believe is "stability".

At times we are invincible, exemplary in practically all aspects of our candid lives with blossoming burning relationships, A-quality academics, loyal lasting friendships, and a sense of “spirituality” even the pope would applaud when in a matter of seconds, the world turns by a fraction and suddenly wonderful has lost its meaning.

Coping with this change, accepting that that we have lost control, and correcting our mistakes is difficult. Looking beyond all that is destroyed and believing in, hoping for, and wishing that things are in fact capable of returning to normal is our only chance at recovery. Understanding cyclic nature of the world, and the fighting spirit to roll with it is our only means to survive.

?

somersault_me @ 2006-09-24T16:41:00

2006-09-24T08:52:23Z

September 24, 2006 – 8:23 am

Eye spy…

1. A house built from red bricks. It has narrow windows bordered with wood, and a roof that resembles that of a tower, ambitious and commanding.
2. An island shaped like a shoe, veiled by the morning mist across the lake.
3. Thriving vines, clinging to the balcony’s steel railings while peeking through the tinted glass.
4. A golfer, clad in white pants, a pink sweater and a black visor, preparing to tee off. (I couldn’t tell whether or not his swing was any good)
5. Telephone wires, looming high above the coconut trees… united, connected like their calls.

And my reflection on the window; hunched over an Apple laptop on the veranda, trying to take pictures of the horizon in my head.

somersault_me @ 2006-09-13T10:23:00

2006-09-13T02:05:14Z

GMA's Make-Believe World
GMA's SONA was a mixture of motherhood statements, half truths, and outright fictitious claims. On the latter, for example, she claimed that kidnapping for ransom cases have been reduced by one-half. However, shortly thereafter, the Philippine National Police (PNP) reported in a radio interview that kidnapping for ransom cases were on the rise as compared with the same time period in 2004.

GMA also did not address the moral and legitimacy problems hounding her presidency. Instead she dangled the prospect of changing the Constitution to solve the ills of the nation. Thereby she showed very little respect for the intelligence of most Filipinos who knew that she was merely distracting national focus away from her central role in defrauding the national presidential elections of 2004.

In short, GMA's SONA was irrelevant to the real state of the nation. It merely confirmed suspicions that GMA does not have the moral and emotional intelligence to carry through with the reforms she proposes (presuming such reforms are appropriate).

Nor did the enthusiastic response of her allies who control Congress help the confused. They clapped more than 33 times and gave GMA six standing ovations. In effect, they merely displayed the kind of collective political hallucination that is driving this country to bankruptcy. It shows how deeply alienated they are from the real state of the nation.

<-- i fell for it. Thank God for INTACT

http://www.truthforce.info/index.php?q=node/view/1126

somersault_me @ 2006-09-10T08:24:00

2006-09-10T00:38:07Z

My parents are unusually anxious about my birthday this year. For the first time, they've made it a point to interrogate me at least thrice a week about my plans. My mom has already taken the initiative to book a venue, (which actually took a while for me to get used to), hire a mobile (i almost passed out when she said "tito manolette's" specialty is 80's and 90's music), and set up menu sampling dates for her and her friends. That leaves the guest list, the alcohol, and the theme (...?) to me. Oh boy.

I've never really been much of a fan of debuts. Inasmuch as i enjoy attending them (i never pass up an excuse to go shopping or a reason to prep at the parlor :)), i don't see the point in spending such excessive amounts of money on ONE person, and on ONE day. The irony of it all is that so much money goes into a such an extravagant celebration wherein only less than half the people invited actually PERSONALLY know the celebrant, and an even smaller number actually enjoy the party. Maybe it's just me, but i wouldn't assume that 150 people are actually sincerely concerned with *my life story, or how i've transformed into a woman, or how i met and formed a relationship with so and so*.

hahaha. Honestly, half the time, people just show up for the free food or free-flowing booze.:P

So...how exactly do i make a compromise between my stubbornly "anti-debut" mind set, and my inherent desire to throw a kick-ass party?

1. a semi-modest guest list! <--true friends and sincere acquaintances only
2. nothing rituallistic dedicated to me, or my turning 18 (with the exception of a birthday cake and candles! hohoho)
3. aaaaaaand...no cheesy themes :P

(for comments and suggestions, text me, or comment below hoho ;))

seventeen forever.

2006-09-09T23:17:44Z

18?????

In science

The atomic number of argon
[edit]
Astronomy
Messier object M18, a magnitude 8.0 open cluster in the constellation Sagittarius
The New General Catalogue object NGC 18, a double star in the constellation Pegasus
The Saros number of the solar eclipse series which began on -2416 June 2 and ended on -1118 July 21. The duration of Saros series 18 was 1298.1 years, and it contained 73 solar eclipses.
The Saros number of the lunar eclipse series which began on -2078 April 2 and ended on -780 May 21. The duration of Saros series 18 was 1298.1 years, and it contained 73 lunar eclipses.
[edit]
In religion

The Hebrew word for "life" is חי (chai), which has a numerical value of 18. Consequently, the custom has arisen in Jewish circles to give donations and monetary gifts in multiples of 18 as an expression of blessing for long life
[edit]
As lucky or unlucky number

In Chinese tradition, the number 18, normally 十八 (shí bā), can also be read as 幺八 (yāo bā), which sounds like 要发 (yào fā), meaning that one is going to prosper. Thus, building floors numbered "18" are often very expensive in China[citation needed]
[edit]
Age 18

In many parts of the world, 18 is the age minimum for being allowed a driver's license and/or for purchasing alcohol or tobacco. It is also the voting age in many countries. During the Vietnam War, Americans could be drafted at an age as low as 18, but were not allowed to vote in most states until they were 21. A movement spread to lower the voting age, and in 1971, the Twenty-sixth Amendment extended a guarantee of suffrage to anyone 18 years or older in all states. The voting age was lowered from 21 to 18 in the U.K. and many other nations around that time.
Eighteen is also the age in most countries at which a person may appear in a pornographic video, if pornography is legal at all, or have sex with a person in a position of authority over them (a teacher, athletic coach, or employer, for instance, or in general anyone else over the age of 18).
In addition, eighteen year-olds in the United States have the right to bear arms, own property, marry without parental consent, get an abortion, donate their body to science, obtain a passport, and serve on a jury. With these new privileges come responsibility: eighteen year-olds are tried as adults in court.

In the U.K. it is the age of maturity.

Coming of age???

Coming of age is a young person's formal transition from adolescence to adulthood. The age at which this transition takes places varies in society, as does the nature of the transition. It can be a simple legal convention or can be part of a ritualistic cycle, similar to those once practiced by many societies. In the past, and in some societies today, such a change is associated with the age of sexual maturity (mid-adolescence) while modern legal conventions are more commonly a point in late adolescence or early adulthood (most commonly 18 and 21). In either case, many cultures retain ceremonies to confirm the coming of age, and significant benefits come with the change. (See also rite of passage.)
The term coming of age is also used in reference to different media such as stories, movies, etc. that have a young character or characters who, by the end of the story, have developed in some way, through the undertaking of responsibility, or by learning a lesson.

source: Wikipedia

somersault_me @ 2006-09-02T06:22:00

2006-09-01T22:27:37Z

Mutable Earth, by: Louise Glock

Are you healed or do you only think you're healed?

I told myself
from nothing
nothing could be taken away.

But can you love anyone yet?

When i feel safe, i can love.

But will you touch anyone?

I told myself
if i had nothing
the world couldn't touch me

In the bathtub, i examine my body.
We're supposed to do that.

And your face too?
Your face in the mirror?

I was vigilant: when i touched myself
I didn't feel anything.

Were you safe then?

I was never safe, even when i was most hidden.
Even then i was waiting.

So you couldn't protect yourself?

The absolute
erodes; the boundary, the wall
around the self erodes.
If i was waiting I had been
invaded by time.

But do you think you're free?

I think i recognize the patterns of my nature.

But do you think you're free?

I had nothing
and i was still changed
Like a costume, my numbeness
was taken away. Then
hunger was added.

living dreams?

2006-09-01T22:14:38Z

it's 5:48 in the morning, and i've been trying to get as much work done before the team of volunteers arrive at my house at 7:30. Hmm. Not bad.

Many members of my family are involved in the religious organization, Regnum Christi. Recently, i was asked to form a team of generous teens who were willing to sponsor and spend a day with a child in Enchanted Kingdom. The project is actually a subset of the "Living Dreams" foundation, which is driven to ease the plight of less fortunate children, and are able to do so by providing them with opportunities through recreational and social activities.

Lately, i've been nursing a deepening hole that has been begging to be filled in, and i feel that through dedicating an entire day to making another person happy, i just might be able to do that. My former school always encouraged us to prioritize making a difference in the lives of others. We learned that although academics should be of great concern to every student, it is just as relevant to look beyond ourselves and be aware of what we can do to improve the situation of our countrymen. Luckily, God blessed me once more with (not only the opporunity to do his will), but with good friends who were more than willing to share such a beautiful experience with me. ;) i can't even begin to express how happy their enthusiasm for the project has made me.

WIll TRY to update my journal again tomorrow! i think zek and i have the same blog issues. haha.

Have a great day, r05 ;)

Rant dance rant!

2006-08-21T05:08:12Z

Rant. Rant. Dance? Rant.

Lately, I’ve been spending most of my free time on youtube.com watching dance videos instead of catching up with the classes I’ve missed. I know I should be worrying about so many other things, but the envious feeling I get every time I watch an amazing performance is highly addictive.

My friends and I have been itching to start dancing again, and have been contemplating the formation of a dance group. It makes a lot of sense actually, since quite a few of us already have sufficient dance background. In fact, I think it’s just a matter of taking the initiative to turn all our talk into action and actually start working on the essentials, such as training scheds and hiring choreographers.

I guess the real questions here are..

1. What am I waiting for?
2. How long am I going to settle for being a part of the AUDIENCE, as opposed to doing what I love ON STAGE.

Oh, oh pat o. GO GO GO!

poetry is... FOOD FOR THOUGHT

2006-08-06T10:21:20Z

"We Don't Know How to Say Goodbye"

by: Anna Akhmatova

We don't know how to say goodbye
We wander on, shoulder to shoulder
Already the sun is going down
You're moody, and i am your shadow
Let's step inside a church, hear prayers,
masses for the dead
Why are we so different from the rest?
Outside in the graveyard we sit on a frozen branch.

That stick in your hand is tracing
Mansions in the snow in which we will always be together.

...

LET GO!

let go of what?

Of the addiction to the pain an unhealthy relationship may be cultivating.
Of the masochistic satisfaction that wallowing in shit may be nurturing.

And…

Of the arrogance the lack of understanding from the world may be flattering.

“Maybe it’s because some relationships are just to difficult to sever…sometimes staying stuck in misery seems easier than razing your old life and building a new one.”

☺

FOOD FOR THOUGHT! YUMM.

lychee martinis + manila bay + pink pussycats

2006-08-06T09:55:32Z

2:00am, Augut 6, 06

Please excuse the lack of coherence. Very, very dizzy.

1. My friends and I decided to leave the party at Azul to sit on the ledge of the bay walk by Manila bay.

2. When we found our spot, I noticed what we began to speak in unusually quiet voices. Hmmm. ← Even the alcohol we had just recently downed couldn’t kill the overwhelming sense of tranquility that the ambience was producing for us.

3. It felt like a positive conspiracy! ←Harmless, but dynamic.

4. …Manila really is a beautiful place to be at night, even with the massive rudeness of the MOA to distract you from the bay.
5. RUDE. RUDE. RUDE.

6. Yes, the water has a stench and looks like a sea of oil under dimness of the moon, but you can’t help but notice:

a. the diligent bangkas setting sail despite the ungodly hour and,
b. the mesmerizing lights in the distance despite the cliché-ness of it all.

7. OKay. I like cliche's.

Maaaaaaaan. What an entry!

barf.

actually.

2006-07-24T11:19:11Z

No school today, the weather saved my ass yet AGAIN by extending several deadlines.

Cheers to that!

I woke up unusually bleary eyed despite the extra two hours I got in this morning.

Hmm.

Maybe it was because I was waking up half the night to look out the window. Every time I lifted the blinds to get a peek I felt as though my house was going to drown, along with all the bugs and cats outside that couldn’t swim.

Boo to the rain!

Yes, I suppose that would explain the eye bags and intensified paleness.

Is it getting obvious yet that I don’t really have much to say?

I watched a few minutes of GMA’s SONA today, and was surprised to find myself ACTUALLY impressed with her achievements and ACTUALLY optimistic about our country’s situation.

Basically, what she was trying to tell everyone was that THE PHILIPPINES HAS MONEY AGAIN. The Philippines is in ACTUAL possession of ACTUAL funds for the execution of ACTUAL projects.

Huh. Imagine that.;)

Even more interesting was that the numerous standing ovations and “woots” from the audience ACTUALLY sounded sincere. The country’s leaders appeared to be in ACTUAL support of the President and their colleagues. Great, wasn’t it? To see them ACTUALLY behaving like a team with the SAME GOAL in mind, that which SHOULD BE to maximize the Philippine’s potential as a nation?

Seriously, the SONA made my day.

somersault_me @ 2006-07-18T20:33:00

2006-07-18T12:33:44Z

People who are in love make ME happy.:D

somersault_me @ 2006-07-18T20:06:00

2006-07-18T12:26:15Z

i overslept today.
Fell asleep at the edge of my bed with the cordless telephone in my hand at around 5pm and woke up nearly two hours later hugging my pillow under the head board.

I wasted time today.
Killed an hour of my hour and thiry minute long break studying for a quiz that didn't happen in FIlipino class.

I wasn't paying attention today.
Ran out of the dance class a few minutes too early and missed the final combination. (Pissed off my teacher too).

I threw my kani & egg sandwich in the trash can today.
Voluntarily starved myself at lunch and binge-festsed on breakfast sausage and egg for merienda.

I missed a call today.

Sigh. Lost a friend too.

somersault_me @ 2006-07-15T11:48:00

2006-07-15T03:49:59Z

I went to a HS fundraiser/party last night to support my former dance org and was surprised to find myself feeling inexplicably OLD.

A year, I have discovered, makes the world of a difference.

I arrived early at the venue hoping to be of some sort of use for the preparations, but found myself momentarily idle at the entrance amidst the sounds of heavy drumbeats and popping bottle caps. The situation was apparently under control, and my services were not necessary.:( As a result, I had to content myself with counting change while surreptitiously sneaking glances at the billowing mini skirts at bay. Everywhere I turned was either what seemed to be a pre-adolescent female with too much eyeliner, or a pre-adolescent male smoking too many cigarettes.

“What are they doing?” I thought to myself, temporarily forgetting that not too long ago, I was in their shoes and that everything that I did back then used to make perfect sense. Their suggestive gyrations on the dance floor, and staggering movements with half empty cocktail drinks at hand were all simultaneously very familiar and very alien to me. It was a SCARY place from the standpoint of a spectator.

Oh boy.

Anyway, I felt like the world’s biggest hypocrite for reacting the way I did, and at 10pm, I wanted to go home.

Ha-ha.

Nevertheless, I can’t say that the night didn’t turn for the better and that the fundraiser wasn’t a success.;)

My partying habits however, may need to be re-evaluated. Hmm.

snippets

2006-07-15T02:31:58Z

Moments come and go. Sometimes they’re big ones, arrogant as supernovas. But during better times, they’re barely there and that’s why they leave the deepest imprints on our minds. :D

somersault_me @ 2006-07-13T15:39:00

2006-07-13T07:40:21Z

I’ve always believed that public blogs are frightfully incriminating, which is why all of my former online journals have been permanently locked on private mode, ha-ha. Whether or not we’d like to admit it, the curiosity that we have as human beings for what’s going on in other people’s lives does not go without passing JUDGMENT (whether or not it is intentional).

Unfortunately, as we read we discover; and as we discover, we criticize.

Sigh. I’ve been BLOCKED. More later.

somersault_me @ 2006-07-09T23:17:00

2006-07-09T15:21:22Z

tabula rasa. tomorrow is NEW day.;)